In this exact moment, I am happy. Content. My mind is not consumed with dark thoughts and I do not feel the familiar ache of emptiness. It feels like I’ve regained my footing after stumbling for quite some time and it’s nice to have some solid ground under me.
In the past, I would minimize the effort and hard work it took for me to get to my present state, but tonight, I celebrate it. I pay tribute to my resiliency and determination to once again climb out of the hole I had tumbled back into.
I now understand the meaning of acceptance. I’ve accepted that I’ve had to let go of people I love deeply, simply because I had to save myself. Maybe one day there can be more, but not today. I’ve accepted that depression is in my life and riding the waves is part of the journey. I’ve accepted that I’m a person who struggles with emotions and am highly sensitive.
With acceptance, comes inner peace and mastery. While it hurts to lose the ones you love, it’s healing to lose the toxicity. And even though I live with depression and that means struggling with suicidal ideation and dark times, I also live with hope. Hope for a better tomorrow and knowledge that the storm always passes. And yes, I’m a sensitive person who feels all of her emotions intensely. But that also means I get to experience joy and love to a higher degree.
The knowledge I have gained about myself through this journey has opened my eyes up to what’s truly important. Inner peace. Helping others. Love and kindness. Compassion for your fellow man. And most of all for yourself.
In this moment, I am happy.