I am literally exhausted to my core. The struggle to be stronger than how I truly feel is taking it’s toll on me each day. I’m waking up every morning with that terrible sense of dread of what I’m going to have to endure for the day and I desperately want to just hide under the covers and wish the world away.
I was born a fighter. Some instinct in me keeps me from doing that and I get up and face the day. Like a boxer in a ring that won’t quit, I stagger back in, ready to withstand more blows, surprised at what I can take. But I am getting so tired. The fight is wearing me down and I honestly find myself questioning how much longer I can go on like this.
I met yesterday with my psychologist who said she believed that I was strong, resilient and more than capable of pulling myself through these latest crisises in my life and I literally wanted to scream at her that that’s not how I feel inside! I feel weak and vulnerable and incapable of seeing a light at the end of the tunnel. I wish I had as much confidence in myself as she appears to have in me.
Stronger than I feel. I wish I had the courage to show the world what I really felt.