Building Blocks 

  

I spoke in an earlier post about comparing my life to a set of building blocks and the more time I’ve had to think about it, the more the analogy fits for me. I see my entire life as a series of attempt of building structures in my life, only to have them fall apart under pressure. 

Let me give you some examples to put this into perspective. I spent the first 8 years of my life building my first set of blocks. I had my childhood best friends, the safety of my extended family all close by and what I believed to be the stability of a family unit. 

At age nine, all of my blocks fell apart. I lost my childhood friends, my extended family and no longer felt like a family unit. The shock and trauma of it all made me withdraw for a long time before I began to rebuild. I tentatively rebuilt my blocks, gaining new friends and then adolescence kicked in. CRASH went the blocks. 

The blocks stayed scattered for many years while I struggled through adolescence. It wasn’t until I learned I was having a child of my own that I dusted off those blocks and began to rebuild. I thought this time would be different as I stacked those blocks more carefully. There was an urgency and an importance now to make my structure stronger. 

My blocks lasted 10 years and suddenly they collapsed. It was like they exploded and it took me a long time to find them all to even begin to consider rebuilding again. I had to take courses on how to build stronger structures and gain skills to become a better builder because I was determined to make my next structure indestructible. 

I’m still building that structure. The foundations been laid and the walls are up. But there’s been a few setbacks that have delayed construction. It happens. If I want my structure to truly be strong, I must be patient and do it right. 

Hand me that next block will you? 

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About wendyenberg

Living the best life I can with BPD, Major Depressive Disorder, Anxiety and PTSD. Mental illness won't stop me from achieving my dreams - it will inspire me to keep fighting harder.
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