The last few weeks have been incredibly transformative as I prepare to return to work after being away for over two years battling my mental illness. In that two year period, I’ve taken a great deal of therapy and worked very hard to overcome the many obstacles in my path. Through this journey, I’ve undergone some significant changes.
1. According to my current psychiatrist, I no longer meet the criteria for being considered BPD. To me, this doesn’t mean that I don’t still have the disorder, but rather I’ve managed to use the skills and training that I’ve learned over the last few years to effectively manage the symptoms of my condition. Upon first hearing this from my doctor, I felt confused and almost like I lost a piece of my identity, but after doing some personal reflection, I now feel like I’m a good place and comfortable accepting what he’s told me. I believe in the power of recovery.
2. My outlook on life is changing and my priorities are shifting. For the first time in what feels like forever, I am setting real and attainable goals with regards to my life and it feels amazing. Before, I was drifting through life, feeling lost and without purpose. I now feel like I have a sense of where things are headed for me and more of a plan of how I am going to get there.
3. I like myself. Over the last two years, I was my constant companion and I’ve come to really like the person that I am. I accept myself for the kind, loving and generous soul that I am becoming and it’s motivating me to continue down this path. I no longer feel the need to get my self-worth from others, or feel like I need their approval to be happy.
4. I have hope. During the last two years, I spent a great deal of time in the deep hole of depression and oftentimes I wondered if there was a light at the end of the tunnel. Thanks to the wonderful support and care that I received from my team of friends, family and medical professionals, I did discover the light and dug myself out of the hole. This has inspired me to be the light for others.
5. I have dreams. I no longer feel as if my life is wasting away or that things are pointless. It’s ok for me to dream. And because I’m strong enough to get through what I have, I’m also strong enough to make my dreams come true.
Change is a part of life and it’s what keeps it exciting. I don’t fear it any longer. Instead I view it as an opportunity to improve and learn new ways of doing things.