It’s been a real emotional storm the last week and it’s been taking all the strength, courage and hope that I have in me to keep putting one foot in front is the other. There are times when I have truly believed that I could not possibly keep going, but yet here I am. We can withstand the blows that are dealt to us in life and I’ve made the decision to do my best to do so with as much dignity and grace as I can muster.
From one emotional crisis to another, I have barely had time to catch my breath in between and on Sunday, it did catch up with me and I had my own breakdown of sorts because my mind had had too much. Those are scary and I felt like I was back to 2006 when I first suffered a psychotic break and I was terrified. Fortunately for me, my husband stepped in and was able to get me calm enough to come back to reality before things got too far out of hand. It was his soothing voice, calm manner and quiet strength that saw me through.
I’m still in the middle of the storm and there doesn’t appear to be a break in the clouds anytime soon, however I feel like at least now I have a life jacket to keep me safe. I honestly don’t know how I do it sometimes – carrying on when I just want to give in and give up. I guess it’s just the will to live that keeps me from giving in to the despair.