Gawd. The last month has seen me spiraling deeper and deeper into another low. The bitch is back and this time, she means business. Each time that I’ve battled her in the past and won, I had hoped that it would be the last I saw of her. But I’m starting to figure out that she doesn’t ever go away and that I have to accept that she’s going to be a part of my life forever. So this time, I’m going to try another tactic.
Instead of engaging in the typical battle of wills that leaves me exhausted, this time, I’m going to welcome her like an old friend. I’m going to make a space for her in my world instead of rejecting her and hope that this will soothe her. Maybe if she feels wanted and loved, she won’t bring with her so much sadness and pain.
I think my depression is just my little girl who never got the chance to be sad. That little girl who had to cry in silence. She just wants to be heard. Maybe if I make room for her, she won’t try so hard to destroy the rest of me.