Borderline – Walking a Tightrope

I constantly feel like I am walking a tightrope and that just one slip of my foot will send me crashing to the ground. Or in my case, send me to the dark side and into a deep spiral of depression …. I just spent an amazing five days of rest and relaxation rebuilding the marital bonds with my husband, only to come home and find out that the bonds that I thought were strong between my daughter and I were once again ripped apart. She’s on her own journey of self discovery and on a treacherous path to adulthood and I have to stand back and let her make some of her own mistakes as she learns to navigate her own tightrope, all the while with my heart in my throat, desperately wanting to save her from the many falls she’s bound to experience.

I can remember being her age and feeling so alone and overwhelmed by life itself and I know that I am struggling with letting her make her own mistakes and experience her own failures. I also believe that she MUST be feeling what I was feeling at the time and it’s hard for me to accept that she is her own person and she may in fact not experience feelings the way that I do. Just because I experience emotions intensely doesn’t mean that she does and I think I sometimes get the two of us confused.

That being said, I do believe that I am older and wiser and she would do well to listen to some of my advice but thinking back to when I was 17 years old, I thought I knew everything about everything too and I had to experience life’s hardships myself to understand the lessons it was trying to teach me.

So I’ll continue to walk my own tightrope my way and travel on the journey that’s meant for me and let her walk hers. I’ll always be here for her but I have to let her go to let her live.


About wendyenberg

Living the best life I can with BPD, Major Depressive Disorder, Anxiety and PTSD. Mental illness won't stop me from achieving my dreams - it will inspire me to keep fighting harder.
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4 Responses to Borderline – Walking a Tightrope

  1. Joy says:

    Yes, that’s all you can do warn her and be there for her, it’s up to her to listen to your wisdom…you can’t stop her from making choices-she will push you away…and rebel …or worse do things in secret. I think you are doing your best, in just being there for her…that’s more than some parents do

  2. Joy says:

    Great post…thanks for sharing, it’s so hard being a parent…Good luck!

  3. Joyce says:

    I know what you mean about getting confused between you and your daughter’s feelings! My daughter will be 17 next week and I find it very difficult to manage my own intense emotions without taking on hers as well. It’s a very delicate balance, that’s for sure!

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