I believe that I am responsible for what other’s are feeling. Like it’s all up to me that they feel happiness and joy and if they are feeling anger or sadness, then that’s my fault as well. And quite frankly, that’s a lot of responsibility that I don’t need to have. I’m only accountable for my own feelings and behaviours, just as others are responsible for theirs. Today in therapy, we talked a lot about this and I’m struggling to process the thoughts and feelings that came up from this. So I thought I’d make some points about how I can learn to let go of what isn’t mine.
1. If my loved one is feeling sad, it’s ok that I’m not taking on their sadness. Oh sure, I’d sympathize with them and not want to see them in pain, but that doesn’t mean I have to be sad too.
2. I own my feelings because they are real and unique to me. They’re mine and mine alone. That being said, others’ feelings belong to them and them alone. I do not have to take on the burden of their feelings on top of my own.
3. I choose my Behaviour and so do others. Feelings are powerful and can be overwhelming and sometimes we respond in unhealthy ways. If my Behaviour hurts someone, then I’m responsible for that pain and I must make amends if I value the relationship. Again, if others choose to act in a way that hurts me, they’re responsible for my pain and must make amends if they value our relationship.
4. Feelings can be contagious and this can be good or bad. Who doesn’t love being around someone who feels and exudes happiness? It’s easy to catch their mood If you let yourself. But the same can be said about being around someone who is angry and mean. It’s just as easy to be drawn into their darkness. Guard yourself accordingly and stay true to what YOU are feeling.
5. Feelings happen. Let them come and let them go and try to understand what they might be telling you. Own what is yours and do what makes you feel good.