I have a place inside my head that nobody goes to except me. It’s safe there and I make all the rules. I don’t show others this place for fear they will make me leave it. It’s a mad mad world, this place inside, and to one who isn’t comfortable with its darkness and chaos, it’s frightening.

When the pain of living in the “real world” becomes too unbearable, I escape to this world of mine….when I’m there, I don’t have to be there anymore. You might think this world of mine is lonely, but it’s not….it’s magical. It’s a place full of everything that has happened to me but all the bad stuff is locked away and unable to hurt me anymore. My demons are there, but I know they can’t hurt me in my world. Out there, in the “real world” my demons come out to taunt me and new ones always appear….it’s really not safe out there.

I’m trying to merge my worlds, but this process requires time and great effort. Trying to trust that being in the real world can be exhilarating and will allow me to feel alive….I’m busy packing up the things I want to bring into this real world with me and getting ready to close the doors to that world for good.

I want to live in one world, once and for all.


About wendyenberg

Living the best life I can with BPD, Major Depressive Disorder, Anxiety and PTSD. Mental illness won't stop me from achieving my dreams - it will inspire me to keep fighting harder.
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