One Step At A Time

Since April of last year, my fibromyalgia has been steadily robbing me of my steps, one at a time. I have this feeling that all this time I have spent my life building steps towards a goal of living a happy and peaceful life, fibro has been behind me, removing them along the way. When I try to access my memories, sometimes there not there anymore and something fibro robs you of is memories. Tasks that I had built years mastering now present themselves as challenging. Energy that used to drive me has slowly disappeared – just another step on my path that needs to be repaired.

Now that I am more aware of this worthy opponent, I must stop her from continuing to destroy my life. I’m not going to accept that this is what my life is now – too tired to participate anymore – instead I’m going to fight this. All along the doctors have told me that I have fibromyalgia and there’s not much they can do to help me but now I’ve found new information that may lead to an alternate reason for my symptoms – hypothyroidism. I found out that first generation relatives have thyroid disorders along with their fibromyalgia. They’ve had to spend numerous years in silence and suffering as this disease ravaged their bodies and souls. Well this has inspired me to pursue this avenue of testing to see if my problems are related to my thyroid or other hormonal glands…..what this has done is give me hope!

I was wallowing in the depths of how much my disease affects me and had a somewhat disheartening appointment with the rheumotologist and I was feeling quite low. I didn’t know how to explain to my husband that I didn’t think I could handle a shopping trip because my legs want to collapse. I feel like if I use a scooter to shop people will assume I am lazy or too fat to walk and that’s not the case…..I want to walk! I want to have an active life and I won’t to enjoy a good quality of life. I can’t just accept that this is what my life is going to be like. I can’t. I won’t. One step at a time I am going to take my life back.

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About wendyenberg

Living the best life I can with BPD, Major Depressive Disorder, Anxiety and PTSD. Mental illness won't stop me from achieving my dreams - it will inspire me to keep fighting harder.
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