Does everyone seem to just know what their purpose and passion is in life? I feel like I have always been struggling to find what gives me passion and drive and a sense of completion. Perhaps that’s why I feel such an emptiness and longing inside of me?
I get excited about things, but I abandon them as quickly as I begin them. I devote all of my extra energy and time into things, only to find myself bored with them in a short time. For awhile it was painting, then writing, then creating a page on Facebook, being an advocate, jigsaw puzzles….the list goes on and on but I can honestly say that when I abandon something, it literally leaves my mind. I even struggle to find the memories of the enjoyment I had with the activity, but it’s like it’s gone. Poof – erased from the mind.
It’s really unsettling having these things happen. I feel adrift and alone, desperately searching for something to fill this void. I know that it has to come from within me, but I’m scared its not even there. Like that part of me is messed up from the mental illnesses.
I live life, but I’m not LIVING it. It’s like it’s all happening to me instead of me making it happen. I’m really feeling a sense of detachment these last few days and I know that this too will pass…..but it saddens me to think that the feeling will return like it always does.
This doesn’t mean I’m giving up! I will keep trying to find that purpose inside of me and maybe someday, I will. Instead of feeling down, I’m going to flip it around and say to myself that I’m simply on a treasure hunt and the hunt is as exciting as the find!