Feeling Alone

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Do you ever feel like you are all alone, even in a room full of people? Do you too get the ache and pain inside when you feel like you aren’t connected to anyone or anything? This happens to me…not as frequently as it has in the past, but it’s an eerie feeling really.

I have many people in my life and I bet that a lot of them would believe that I would call upon them in a time of crisis, however that’s likely not true. When I am feeling stressed or upset, I tend to withdraw into my shell and quietly hide away from everyone. I think this goes back to when I was very young and would deal with parental conflict in this manner. Then growing up, I would often find myself tucked away some where, crying and alone, waiting for the pain to go away.

The problem with my strategy is that I have no one to share in my burdens. And I don’t know why I don’t allow others to help me, because I don’t hesitate to take on others’ burdens. They don’t even have to ask – if they are struggling I’m right there asking what I can do to help. Maybe I’m expecting others to just rush in and help me – can’t they see that I’m hurt and suffering? If they really loved me they would.

But I’m learning that in order to get help, sometimes you have to ask for it. It’s not a sign of weakness or failure – but I don’t even know how to ask. I’m so afraid that the answer will be no and I don’t deal well with rejection.

Am I alone? Or am I just lonely?

Wendy

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About wendyenberg

Living the best life I can with BPD, Major Depressive Disorder, Anxiety and PTSD. Mental illness won't stop me from achieving my dreams - it will inspire me to keep fighting harder.
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