Losing A Child (Part 2)

I made a call to Children’s Services as I was feeling at the end of my rope. Mentally, I was a mess. I had already endured one psychotic break and was hospitalized and I could feel myself falling apart again. At this point, my brand new home was full of holes being kicked or punched in it and when he really wanted to scare us he would hits or my daughter. He was refusing to take his medication, go to school or follow any of my rules.

They came on a Tuesday to see me and Tyler was acting up as usual, but not nearly to the extreme he usually would go to. The worker couldn’t believe how out of control he was and I had reports from the police and the school verifying this. The worker stated that he would look for a bed in a group home ASAP to get Tyler stabilized.

That Friday I got the call, they were coming to get him. I called a friend to come and stay with me as I was sick to my stomach at the scene that was going to unfold. The workers came and Tyler Of course refused to leave with them. They gave him the choice of riding with them or going in the police car. He chose them eventually, but only if I would come in that evening with his things and see that he was ok.

As Tyler left, I was crying uncontrollably and ended up throwing up from the grief. It was one of the worst days of my life – no mother ever expects to not have her child. I gathered what strength I could find and we went in to see Tyler that evening. He was in a home with five other children, staffed 24 hours a day. Leaving him that night was difficult, but I held my resolve.

They got Tyler enrolled in school and after telling me to stay away for a couple of weeks (they needed that time for him to accept where he was and start following the rules) Tyler did settle down. When he came for his first home visit he was pretty good. I thought to myself that GREAT, this must be working!

That was in September and finally that December I made the decision to end things with their dad. I told him he had to find a place for February and that he could have half the furniture and household goods and that I wanted nothing else but child support. He didn’t believe me until on Feb 1 he came home to find himself with a truck full of his stuff. He then proceeded to play the victim game and let everyone in the small town we lived in know that I put him on the street which is complete bullshit – I warned him.

During this time my poor daughter who was nine at this time was left to her own devices. I tried to keep life as normal as possible for her but it was chaos. Her dad wouldn’t stop following me or coming to the home so I finally had to get a restraining order. He even violates that by stopping me and asking me what it was. I mean, stupid could have been his middle name.

By this time, it’s May and I’m considering moving to Edmonton to get away from the small town and to be closer to Tyler, who I planned to have come back home and live with me and my daughter. After discovering that my trusted friend was sleeping with my ex, I felt so violated by her. I ended up overdosing that night, but was found in time and rushed to ER. After this happened, my mom and dad began to understand my need to get out of the town and they bought my place I was in so I could move. I found a three bedroom apartment and Kate and I moved in on July 1. I had a family support worker who was helping with the visits when Tyler came and he was worried about me as the visits never went well. In September I had made the decision to keep Tyler in care, however his father disagreed and he offered to take custody of Tyler. I didn’t agree with this as I felt he was in no way capable of looking after Tyler’s needs. However, Children’s services disagreed and Tyler went to live with his dad.

This began the endless stream of phone calls and demands from Tyler whenever his dad wouldn’t give him what he wanted. Then his dad would be drinking and they would fight and sometimes the police were involved. I began to actually despise the both of them for the grief and chaos they continued to give me and resentment grew. Finally my ex decided to move back to New Brunswick where his family was and he was taking Tyler with him. As harsh as it sounds I was relieved that they would be far away and I wouldn’t always be walking on eggshells waiting for the next crisis to respond to.

It’s been four years since they left. Tyler has spent the majority of his time in and out of the young offender center and in between he would call me, insisting that I arrange for him to come back to Alberta. I could never do it. I still struggle with the guilt of not being able to mother him, but it came to a choice between his life or mine. I had to choose to live. I hope that someday he may come to terms with his mental illnesses and get the treatment he needs. Until that happens, he remains lost.


About wendyenberg

Living the best life I can with BPD, Major Depressive Disorder, Anxiety and PTSD. Mental illness won't stop me from achieving my dreams - it will inspire me to keep fighting harder.
This entry was posted in marriage and children, mental illness and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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