A New Me

Exciting day today! Starting my third (and last) module for DBT this afternoon. “Interpersonal Relationships” – I am looking forward to gaining even more skills and perhaps some new and helpful insights into myself. It’s also meeting a new group and trying to get comfortable with each other, which does give me a bit of anxiety, but one of my strengths is meeting new people and being social, so I’m not calling it anxiety, but simply just butterflies.

The first module I took was “Distress Tolerance” and it was here that I first began to practice mindfulness on a consistent basis. Being able to focus on one or two things that are happening in the very now was a difficult skill to begin with. My mind wanted to race around with a million thoughts, and using breathing techniques and intentionally focusing on the one thing, I could do it! I learned to take the intrusive other thoughts and put them on little leaves to float down the river. I learned that thoughts and feelings are all ok and not to judge myself for having them. I learned that I have the power to choose my behaviors and by practicing this skill every day (even if only for five or ten minutes) I feel in control.

In module two, I learned about “Emotional Regulation” and what I can do to reduce my vulnerability. I am an emotional person, and those of us with BPD feel things intensely. That fact I cannot change and I learned how to ride the wave of emotions without always getting swept away. Again, I learned not to pass judgement on myself for having feelings and thoughts that are intense or dark – I have a
Choice if I want to act on those things and I too feel more in control. I’m trying to reduce my vulnerability and learning that I am strong enough to stand the storms.

So what will module three bring? My hope is that it will give me the confidence to pursue and maintain healthy relationships, and help me with self-awareness and acceptance. With a better grasp on my identity I feel that I may begin to stop wearing all the different masks I think I have to wear to be accepted and loved, and instead I can just be me.

Will keep u posted how it goes today!

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About wendyenberg

Living the best life I can with BPD, Major Depressive Disorder, Anxiety and PTSD. Mental illness won't stop me from achieving my dreams - it will inspire me to keep fighting harder.
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