I am who I am

The young girl stood before me, pleading with her eyes for me to hear her story. Too often she had been overlooked or misunderstood and I could tell that she just needed to get some things out of her chaotic mind and out into the universe so she could lighten her load. I wasn’t sure why she wanted to confide in me….this mixed up broke soul that I am, but me it was. I couldn’t turn away from her – remembering myself what it felt like to be 16 once and wishing I had had someone to confide in. So, I listened. Really listened. With my heart, my head and my soul. And in her words, I could see that she too was a broken soul….and looking for some help on how to put herself back together again.

She told me things that broke my heart. Things that made me ashamed of the kind of mom that I had been to her, but the shame turned to sadness and empathy for both of us …. I was very sick back then and despite some hardships and difficult times, we are still working it out. I’m still struggling but feel like I am getting towards recovery and becoming the person I was meant to be. I forgive myself for the pain and the hurt that I caused my loved ones – I was doing the best I could at the time. That’s all we ever do – the best that we can right now. And right now, I am doing the best I can right now. And I’m doing ok.

I’ve learned that if I don’t expect perfection in those that I love, then I shouldn’t expect it in myself. I choose to do the things I do out of a sense of love and kindness and I truly feel that I don’t have a malicious bone in my body. I may not always do the right thing (according to others) but I try up learn from my mistakes if it causes someone to feel pain. If it doesn’t, then it’s the right thing for me.

Going to enjoy the fantastic summer weather that we are finally getting this weekend and wish Canada a Happy Birthday! Spending it with friends and family and relaxing.

Thanks for reading. Xo

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About wendyenberg

Living the best life I can with BPD, Major Depressive Disorder, Anxiety and PTSD. Mental illness won't stop me from achieving my dreams - it will inspire me to keep fighting harder.
This entry was posted in marriage and children, mental illness and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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