Well if you’ve been reading my blog you will know that yesterday was my daughters first party. I can recall planning her other birthday parties – cake, games, and loot bags. My favorite party I ever did for her was the “Lizzie mGuire” party when she was eight. We had invited all the girls in her little class and I made each girl an iron on transfer tshirt of Hilary Duff. I also burned each girl a CD of the Lizzie McGuire soundtrack. That was the year of the AWESOME party.
Flash forward eight years and she’s got her own thing going on. She was given a list of rules she had to follow and she rocked them all. So proud of her for all she did to handle her first party (with drinking) so responsibly. She’s gonna make it in the world. It’s a difficult time having her separate from me, yet need so much yet from me. Mothers and daughters have a special relationship – we don’t want to have to see them stumble through heartbreak and unjust things in the world but we know they have to. We want to put them away and keep them safe, yet we have to teach them how to be successful happy young women on their own.
Mothers and daughters fight like best friends – it’s raw and honest and emotional and often it’s a learning lesson for both of us. Although the separation is physically happening, the emotional is deepening, even becoming stronger. I love that with BPD I can experience all emotions intensely including love, pride, and joy at this marvel in front of me.
I am proud of my daughter and am excited about the young woman she will still become. She’s a light when the times seem too dark, she’s a voice calling out to me when I feel alone, and she’s a love that embraces me when I am feeling so unworthy. I’m honored to have raised this girl in the way I have. Nobody can take that away.