Ok. I’ve got to admit that I have this INCREDIBLE feeling that I’m not used to. In fact, I’m not even a 100% sure that I have ever felt it. It’s this warm, positive, and thrilling sensation coursing through me. It starts in the same place as all my feelings – right in the tummy. But instead of feeling sad, anxious, scared, sad, or worried I think I feel happy.
Is this what happiness feels like? If it is, I want more. I feel energized and like I am this incredible force. At work I feel like I am an amazon! I’m inspired again about my work and so excited at how my career is developing, I have a mental illness, but I FREAKING rock at my work!! I can be everything I want to be!
At home I have this absolutely amazing daughter. She is becoming my best friend and never I have felt the impact I have on her like I do now. She is this awesome girl who is compassionate and loving, kind and generous, and incredible in so many ways. We fight like women do – with passion and fury but we ALWAYS make up. It’s only now that I truly appreciate the gift of a daughter.
And my husband. Omg I love that man. He walked into my life and he absolutely owns my heart. How I got so lucky to find a man of such strength and character is truly amazing. It was karma. I am so in love withy husband and I can’t believe how that love deepens every day. It truly does. I never believed in Prince Charming until I met Mark. He is the most beautiful person I know.
You know, we always focus on the negatives of having BPD, but I found a positive. I feel happiness, love and joy as intensely as I feel other emotions! I can experience the highs as well as the lows – and as much as I struggle through the lows – I’m going to enjoy the highs!! Life is good and I’m going to enjoy it with everything I have!!
Thank you everyone for the kindness, love and support you have given me, stay strong through the struggles – and when the joyful times come celebrate!