Snow? &@!?

So I am in Calgary with my daughter for volleyball and there’s a 25cm snowfall warning in effect. Seriously every time we come here its a shitstorm. Surprisingly, my anxiety isn’t out of control at the moment – no sense worrying about tomorrow. Maybe by some strange twist of fate it will be +10 tomorrow and melt all this before I have to drive. For those of you that aren’t from Alberta it’s a three hour drive home – yikes.

My daughter and I had a huge fight before we left for this trip but being in a car for three hours together helped us work it out. I’m glad otherwise it could have been a really awkward trip.

Because of my illness, I found that on Saturday, by the end of the volleyball playing, I had reach my social limit. I was exhausted from a day of being there for my daughter and having to “chit chat” with a great number of people. My “friendly mom” mask sure got a workout! At the end of the day, the team was going to order pizza and hang out. Neither my daughter or I felt like engaging in this event so instead her and I went to a restaurant together. Upon returning to our hotel, we had to walk through the team party to get to our room. I explained to a couple of parents that we weren’t feeling very well.

Later on, my daughter hears them talk about how every team has to have the “odd ducks” and how we fit that criteria. That kind of hurt. Again it comes back to ignorance about mental illness and assuming people are weird. It’s going to feel even stranger today knowing that I was the “butt” of their joking last night. It will be difficult to be all nice with them when I really want to say what’s on my mind. But I do know how to behave in public and I won’t cause a scene.

Ill be glad when this volleyball season is over. It’s a lot of commitment and time on my part and it adds to the list of things I have to do – although allowing my daughter this opportunity has been important to me.

That’s all for now – if my post seems a little odd time wise that’s because I started it yesterday afternoon and am finishing it Sunday early early morning.

It did snow this way but I am sure by the afternoon it will be fine. I came out to my car on Sunday morning covered in snow and no snow brush! Had to use a paper bag to brush off the car! So unprepared. Hopefully the snow will stop by the time we are ready to go.

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About wendyenberg

Living the best life I can with BPD, Major Depressive Disorder, Anxiety and PTSD. Mental illness won't stop me from achieving my dreams - it will inspire me to keep fighting harder.
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