What’s It Like?

What’s it like to live with Borderline Personality Disorder? For me, it’s like having a collection of personalities that I put on like masks, but not being sure of my true personality.

It’s intense emotions – all of them and sometimes all at once it seems – emotions that sometimes overwhelms me. Imagine standing at the edge of the ocean with your feet planted in the sand – emotions come and go like gentle waves lapping at your toes. You feel them, are aware of them and know what to do with them. Your feet never waiver, even if the waves get to be strong. For me, I’m standing in that same spot, yet the emotions that I feel are like huge waves crashing over me, leaving me gasping for air. It’s exhausting trying to stand in the sand and sometimes I just fall. When I fall, eventually the emotions recede, but I’m left bruised and battered by the storm.

But I’m a survivor. I keep getting back up and trying to beat the waves. I can’t let them defeat me. Before my breakdown in 2006 I wasn’t aware that I had a mental illness – but after numerous hospitalizations and a lot of therapy, I’m much more educated about my disorder. And I refuse to let it define me. I am a beautiful, kind and loving person who struggles with managing emotions. I can go from the lowest of lows to the highest of highs in a matter of minutes which can be difficult for the people who care about me. I’m funny, smart, and kind. I’m chaotic, disorganized and moody but loving me is never dull.

I’m going to keep going, get stronger and spread the word about mental illness. I’m not ashamed to admit that I have a disease of the mind. That’s it – nothing more nothing less.

To those of you who are battling your own storms, I wish you strength. Don’t give up – there will be a break in the clouds.

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About wendyenberg

Living the best life I can with BPD, Major Depressive Disorder, Anxiety and PTSD. Mental illness won't stop me from achieving my dreams - it will inspire me to keep fighting harder.
This entry was posted in mental illness, Uncategorized and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

7 Responses to What’s It Like?

  1. Carla says:

    Thank you. I suffer from mild bi-polar disorder and I can totally relate to what you are saying. Thank you for being honest, it feels nice to know that I’m not alone in this struggle – we are not alone (even thought it sure feels that way sometimes).

    • wendyenberg says:

      Thank you Carla! No, truth is we are not alone. Unfortunately society has made us isolate and feel shame for having an illness that we never asked for. Compassion, understanding and educating are needed by society so people don’t have to suffer in silence.

  2. Michelle says:

    Thanks for sharing, people need to be heard that are dealing with a mental illness there is so much misinformation out there!

    • wendyenberg says:

      People also need to know that there are intelligent, caring people fighting this disease and lose the stereotype that we all need to be locked up or we don’t contribute to society. We do all that while fighting this fight! Thanks for sharing with me.

      Wendy

  3. Thank you for sharing your experiences in such a poetic, visual form. Please keep spreading the word about mental health issues. You have a gift for communicating a powerful message. I have battled depression all my life and am a recovered alcoholic. Was diagnosed with Asperger’s/ADD late in life and all of the pieces of me finally fit together. I firmly believe that neurological wiring differences, mental illnesses and substance abuse frequently overlap and that supporting the individual requires fitting these puzzle pieces together, taking into account environmental factors in their upbringing, earlier life and current life situations.

  4. Confused says:

    Thanks for sharing I was diagnosed with BPD too.

  5. Janet says:

    Inspirational as always! Love you hun

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